Van Doo is Twenty Two in French

Your secret is safe with me "OLD MAN!"

I was taking the bus home today and I saw something you don't often see. While pulling upto a red light I looked out the window and beheld what apeared to be an old man on a rascal scooter barreling down the crowded sidwalk at at least 20 Kph. This in and of itself was not enough to arouse my suspicion but what I saw next sent my mind reeling. This sidwalk speed demon, this walkway racer, jerked his handlebars to the right, putting his rascal on 2 wheels and slammed head on into the wall of a three story apartment building. The impact sent his cane, which was percariously balanced on the front fender of his scooter, flying into the wall ricocheting off the brickwork back into the man's outstretched hand. Amazingly unfazed, this aparently decrepid octegenarian, leapt from his wreck and darted into the apartment buildings door like "the damn eff bee ahh that put the damn radio in mah brain" was chasing him. The guy sitting next to me saw the whole thing and as he leaned back into his seat he said with a laugh,"betcha he stole it". At first this seemed to be the only logical explaination. Only logical explaination for a CYNICAL BASTARD maybe! What I saw today was not a case of late life larceny, Oh No! What I saw today was my first glimpse of a real live super hero. Think about it. What better way to hide yourself from the undeworld elements that you hunt than to disguise yourself as harmless old man. And the speed... the only way a rascal scooter could go that fast was if it had been modified by a superhero's secret scientist buddy in his super secret undeground lair. And had he been a petty thief simply trying to evade capture would he have shown such compassion to the pedestrains? Nay, says I. He would have just mowed them down. My final peice of evidence to the super human nature of this phalanx of frailty is the cane. Yes the cane was clearly made from elemnts not of this world. How else could it sense its masters hand and direct itself accordingly? I don't know what wretched hide of scum and villany was lurking in that aprtment building but I don't envy the odious evil doers that were concealed within. Yes my friends we can all rest a little easier knowing that OLD MAN is protecting our streets. Godspeed OLD MAN, godspeed.

DEVO! Not Il Divo! GAWD!

Girl: So what kind of music are you into?
Me: umm.. I've been listening to a lot of DEVO lately.
Girl: You like DEVO!?! Wow, I love Devo. Are you going to see them next week?
ME: WHAAAAAT? Are you telling me DEVO has reunited and is comming to town?
Girl: Yeah, they're playing with Barbra Streisand.
Me:........ DEVO! Not Fucking Il Divo! Whats wrong with you! Why would you even ask me about music if that's the kind of acidic diarrhea you listen to? Isn't that shit for old people with no hearing? GAWD! (storms off and vomits)

That was my first encounter with this new sick phenomena that has been spreading through the cities and towns of this great nation. Imagine, confusing a great band like Devo with the worst kind of shit encrusted gorllia smegma that gets encoded onto compact disc. The tragedy of it is, in subsequent Devo misunderstandings, (and there have been many) it was I who bore the undeserved stigma of being confused as an Il Divo fan. I have ,on more than one occasion, found myself frantically fighting to clear my name as a lover of the great 80's innovative rock band DEVO, (you know with an E) and not of the abomination that is Il Divo. Its gotten to the point where I am ashamed to admit that I listen to Devo for fear of undeserved recrimination. And thats just wrong! I myself have had enough! I send out a call to action to all DEVO Fans everywhere. We must re-claim the word DEVO. If not for us than for our children. Remember... they'll be comming for you next!